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QI - (Jan 14th)
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Roman consul "Marcus Valerio" (Georges Marchal) finds himself captured and tortured by "Zenobia" (Anita Ekberg), the warlike Queen of the rebelling Palmyra. Rather than just crucify him, though, she reckons he might be of some use as they plan to defeat their enemy in an even bigger battle yet to come and so secure their freedom. He's very easy on the eye is old "Marcus", and the Queen promptly takes a bit of a shine to him - despite the protestations of her scheming minster "Semanzio" (Folco Lulli). Pretty swiftly we are let into the truth about the Roman's mission in her kingdom, but just as with the queen, he too is becoming just a bit conflicted. Can he save her without losing his honour and betraying his own people? Can she survive the machinations of her warlike advisor and save her new love? Well none of that is really in jeopardy at any point in this amiably colourful piece of peplum, but the writing (from Sergio Leone, no less) and the acting are really pretty woeful and there's not the slightest jot of chemistry between the wooden as a post Marchal and an Ekberg who really did look like she was there for the cash and the holiday. There are some enjoyably photographed and staged battle scenes at the end with flames and catapults a-plenty and though it could never be called good, it's by no means the worst of these 1950s sword and sandal efforts.
The Egyptian Queen Cleopatra bets against the Roman Emperor, Julius Caesar, that her people are still great, even if the times of the Pharaohs has long passed. She vows (against all logic) to build a new palace for Caesar within three months. Since all her architects are either busy otherwise or too conservative in style, this ambivalent honor falls to Edifis. He is to build the palace and be covered in gold or, if not, his fate is to be eaten by crocodiles. Edifis calls upon an old friend to help him out: The fabulous Druid Getafix from Gaul, who brews a fantastic potion that gives supernatural strength. In order to help and protect the old Druid, Asterix and Obelix accompany him on his journey to Egypt. When Julius Caesar gets wind of the project succeeding, he has the building site attacked by his troops in order to win the bet and not lose face. But just like the local pirates, he hasn't counted on Asterix and Obelix.
Bodybuilder Ed Fury stars as the legendary Ursus in this above-average sword-and-sandal adventure from veteran director Carlo Campogalliani. The plot concerns Ursus' attempts to rescue his kidnapped fiancee, aided by a pretty blind slave girl. Now an evil queen, Ursus' former love throws him into a gladiatorial arena with a bull, which manages to smack the slave girl in the head and restore her eyesight before Ursus defeats it and his enemies. The bullfight is particularly well-staged, and this exciting spectacle may be the highlight of Fury's erratic screen career. ~ Robert Firsching, Rovi
After the death of Emperor Marcus Aurelius, his devious son takes power and demotes Maximus, one of Rome's most capable generals who Marcus preferred. Eventually, Maximus is forced to become a gladiator and battle to the death against other men for the amusement of paying audiences.
After fierce Roman commander Marcus Vinicius becomes infatuated with beautiful Christian hostage Lygia, he begins to question the tyrannical leadership of the despotic emperor Nero.
Gaullish custom requires that a would-be chief must challenge and defeat another to become the leader of two tribes. Vitalstatistix is not perturbed because of Getafix's magic potion. Getafix, however has an accident and forgets how to make it. Then Vitalstatistix is suddenly challenged.
After his young lover, Gitone, leaves him for another man, Encolpio decides to kill himself, but a sudden earthquake destroys his home before he has a chance to do so. Now wandering around Rome in the time of Nero, Encolpio encounters one bizarre and surreal scene after another.
Hamilan, a cruel and ambitious general, murders his king and places himself on the throne with the former king's evil niece as his queen. He then wages war against his peaceful neighbors, killing their women and enslaving their men. A hero named Ursus appears at a tournament to challenge Hamilan's authority. Though victorious at the tournament, Ursus is arrested and forced to turn a grist-mill under an overseer's lash. Meanwhile, the former king's virtuous daughter, Diana, is tormented by her evil cousin, the new queen. Sentenced to a slow and tortuous execution, Ursus breaks free and a revolt breaks out. Ursus throws Hamilan to his death in a fiery pit and then Ursus and Diana enjoy the cheers of a grateful populace. - Written by dinky-4 of Minneapolis
In the year 50 BC, Gaul is occupied by the Romans - nearly. But the small village of Asterix and his friends still resists the Roman legions with the aid of their druid's magic potion, which gives superhuman strength. Learning of this potion, a Roman centurion kidnaps the druid to get the secret formula out of him.
Titus Andronicus returns from the wars and sees his sons and daughters taken from him, one by one. Shakespeare's goriest and earliest tragedy.
In 208 A.D., in the final days of the Han Dynasty, shrewd Prime Minster Cao convinced the fickle Emperor Han the only way to unite all of China was to declare war on the kingdoms of Xu in the west and East Wu in the south. Thus began a military campaign of unprecedented scale. Left with no other hope for survival, the kingdoms of Xu and East Wu formed an unlikely alliance.
Asterix and Obelix depart on an adventure to complete twelve impossible tasks to prove to Caesar that they are as strong as the Gods. You'll roar with laughter as they outwit, outrun, and generally outrage the very people who are trying to prove them "only human".